chapter nine
The Date That Stunk . . . Literally!
It’s a beautiful morning; the sun is shining, Buddy and I are out for a walk and it seemed like the perfect day to not think about Jaxon. After over an hour of walking, we were heading back into the apartment when I ran into one of my neighbours, Tyson . . .
I met Tyson the week I moved into the city and into my apartment. We exchanged numbers and he said that he would show me around and introduce me to people (because I barely had friends in the city). I was obviously excited to meet new people, however, we didn’t ever make concrete plans. We passed by each other daily when we would go and walk our dogs and he would constantly say that he would call or text. Every time I would give him a polite giggle, smile and nod yes. I obviously wasn’t holding my breath . . .
Weeks later from our initial meeting Tyson was in the middle of moving out of his apartment when Buddy and I ran into him again.
“Hey” Tyson called out behind a stack of boxes.
“Moving out?” I asked.
“How can you tell?” he replied. We both let out a little laughter.
To be polite I asked if he needed any help. To my surprise, he actually took me up on the offer. I spent the rest of the afternoon helping Tyson move out of his apartment. I actually had fun; he’s a pretty funny guy and we spent most of the day laughing. By the end of the night there were these two chairs left and I was eyeing them because I didn’t have any balcony chairs. He had mentioned earlier in the day that he didn’t need them anymore, so I was just waiting for him to offer it to me because I also ‘graciously’ mentioned that I needed chairs. We were both carrying one chair each when we were walking out of his apartment. We were only a couple steps away from my apartment door when he looked back at me and said, “do you want these?” “Phew” I thought to myself, I didn’t want to be the awkward person that asked for it. “Absolutely!” I replied.
He came into my apartment briefly and dropped off the chairs. I walked him to the door and right before he turned the corner towards the elevator, he said to me “I still owe you that date!” I smiled and politely replied, “yup!” As I closed the door, I thought to myself, “didn’t know that he owed me a date, I thought we were just going to hang out and he was going to introduce me to new friends.” Oh well, it didn’t hurt to put myself back out there, I needed to see what I’ve been missing the past thirteen years.
Weeks later I finally heard from Tyson . . .
I was lying in bed on a Saturday evening when my phone all of a sudden vibrated with a text message. I was still awake and so I rolled over to see who it was. To my surprise it was Tyson. I looked at the time and it was nearing 1 am. I was curious to what he wanted so I looked at the text message:
I waited about 5 minutes or so for a response, but I was too sleepy to wait any longer.
Morning came and still hadn’t received a response. I went about my morning eating breakfast and was in the process of getting ready to walk Buddy when I heard my phone buzz. I looked and again it was Tyson.
“What the fuck?!?!?!” I thought to myself. I’m not ready to go anywhere . . . I had this sense of panic rush over me for a brief second and then it quickly passed as I realized I really didn’t care that much.
I didn’t take too long before I was heading down the stairs with Buddy. As I got off the elevator and turned the corner, I saw Tyson. He was sitting outside the front door with his thin legs crossed, his upper body leaning back but his face was leaning forward as he looked down on his cell phone, patiently waiting. He was wearing skinny blue jeans, brown ‘worn-down’ tie-up shoes, a black t-shirt, a beanie hat, and he had on dark thick framed eyeglasses. He was a total ‘hipster.’ Physically, he wasn’t the type I usually go for, but I liked his personality and I was open to new adventures and making new friends.
As I opened the door with a smile on my face I got this massive whiff of this strong rancid sour smell of vomit, beer, sweat, sex, shit and disgusting body odour all in one, hit my nostrils. “Holy shit, he stinks!” I thought to myself. I tried really hard not to gag as Tyson stood up to give me a hug. Even Buddy took sniff of Tyson’s shoes and walked away quickly before Tyson had the chance to bend over and pet him.
As we walked side by side towards and around the park, Tyson kept talking about his night. I tried really hard to be polite and listen as much as I could and respond when he asked me a question. I wasn’t hearing anything he was saying because I was concentrating on leaning away from him and gasping for fresh air. We were halfway around the park when Buddy ended up taking a huge dump on the side of the path. I quickly bent down to give my nose a momentary break away from Tyson’s stench. Buddy’s shit smelled like roses compared to the fumes that were projecting from Tyson’s pores.
We were making our way back to my apartment when Tyson asked, “What are you doing for the rest of the day?”
I said “Oh nothing much, just cleaning, getting groceries and preparing for the week.”
He confidently suggested that we should continue this date. I on the other hand, immediately and politely declined his offer and again mentioned that I needed to clean and do laundry. His response shocked me. “I’ll come up and help you,” he said. I was a little suspicious of his response, warning alarm went off in my brain, he was trying to invite himself up to my apartment.
I said, “no that’s alright, thanks for the offer though.” He again made another attempt but I again denied him. We continued this banter of “can I come up?” “NO!”, “can I come up?”, “NO!” until we finally reached the front lobby of my apartment block.
“Well, that was fun first date.” He said.
I replied with a polite giggle and a smile. Right before I was about to open the door I took a deep gulp of fresh air, held my breath and went in for a goodbye hug. He held me tight and kissed my cheek before we parted. I waved and said goodbye as he slowly walked away and before I rushed in the front door. I went straight up into my apartment, took off all my clothes and burnt it . . . no I didn’t burn my clothes because I’m too cheap to buy more clothes, but I did go and wash them immediately . . . and then I jumped into the shower and scrubbed my entire body down.
I never heard from Tyson again and I definitely didn’t try to reach out to him neither.
This was my first ‘date’ I went on after Jax and I broke up. This date was my preview of what the current dating world is like and it was utterly disappointing and extremely discouraging.
“When you’re trying to find a unicorn . . . often you settle for a horse . . . but at times you can end up with a donkey.”
REFLECTIONS / LESSONS LEARNED:
It is difficult to put yourself out there again especially after a long-term relationship. Not going to lie, my confidence was extremely low and I wasn’t ready to actually go on a date, however, it was nice to face that fear. I could have let my fear and insecurities prevent me from going on this date (maybe I should have), but it was liberating to take that first and unknown step.
🎧 - Nirvana: Smells Like Teen Spirit
FEEDBACK / COMMENTS / THOUGHTS /YOUR REFLECTION / ANSWER QUESTIONS BELOW:
What’s the worst date that you have ever been on?
How long did you wait until you went on your first date after a breakup?