chapter seventeen
Crazy, Stupid . . . SEX . . . No Love, Just Sex
. . . continued . . .
My friend’s wedding I attended that weekend was one of the best weddings I‘ve ever been to (and believe me when I say I’ve been to a lot of weddings). It was nice seeing my friends from school and my gay best friend was the best date I could've asked for. Like always he was sassy and entertaining as all hell and his attitude always made me laugh. I hadn’t seen all my schoolmates for almost a year because we all lived in different cities. We may not have seen each other for a long time but you never would have guessed it. I’m a true believer that the best types of friendships are the friendships that never skip a beat no matter how much time passes between seeing each other.
The next morning after the wedding I was up early to catch my flight home. The flight took off on time headed to my hometown for a 4 hour layover. Since the layover wasn’t very long, I only told Jaxon I would be in town. The plan was that Jaxon would come pick me up at the airport and we could hang out for a couple of hours. I was excited to see him; I hadn’t seen him since June.
I was sitting down on my seat as everyone started to get up and prepare to leave the aircraft. I turned on my phone and I saw I got a text message from BJ.
“Awe, that’s nice.” I thought to myself as I put my phone back into my pocket. I smiled as I remembered how we met just only a couple days before. I remember just being able to turn around and talk to him and be myself. We definitely had a spark! I was very proud that I wasn’t afraid or self-conscious to approach and talk to anyone anymore. Just the memory of BJ not only made me feel confident, but also and unexpectedly made me hot to trot!
As I walked off the plane, I had this swagger to my step! The gates opened in front of me and I saw Jax amongst the horde of people. My smile got bigger when I saw him. He was looking pretty good. As I got closer to him, his smile and his eyes sparkled in the light. He was giving me this look, which I’ve seen on his face a thousand times before and it was usually right before we would have sex.
I raised my arms up to give him a huge hug and as we embraced he said to me, “you look good, you’ve lost a lot of weight.” He said with this sexy tone of his voice. I can tell that he too was aroused.
I whispered in his ear, “I’m turned on!”
He let out a laugh, and smiled; “So am I!” he responded.
We both turned around and he held my hand as we rushed out of the airport.
As soon as we got in the car, he didn’t know where to go. “Why don’t we just go to your new apartment?” I suggested.
“My roommate is home and it’s way too far from the airport” he responded. I nodded my head in agreement.
I wasn’t dating anyone, and Jax claimed that he was also not dating anyone. Just like in June I had no more feelings left towards him, but aroused as hell! I knew that this was just going to be sex and at the moment it felt right because it felt comfortable.
We were both fidgeting in the car and wanted to release the tension. We had pulled up to a hotel, not far from the airport and we both practically ran to the front desk at the lobby. Getting the room, felt like it was taking forever. As I waited patiently (as much as I could) for Jax to get the keys, I thought to myself that I feel like I’m in a movie having a rendezvous with my secret lover in a hotel. It definitely felt like we were hiding something. At that point, I didn’t care, my inner sexual beast just wanted to be satisfied!
Once we got the keys, we ran up to hotel room. Instantly clothes were being ripped off as we entered the room, even before the door closed.
We had sometime after the hotel before I had to get back to the airport. We went for lunch at a nearby restaurant. We talked a little bit and just caught up with each other’s lives. I asked more questions about his roommate. I recalled that Jax told me that they met through an employee. He didn’t get into too much detail and I didn’t want to pry for any more information, so I left it as is.
We talked as we ate, but then all of a sudden, Jax started to feel sick. I didn’t want to keep him any longer because he was starting to get pale. He drove me to the airport and we hugged in the car before I got out. We said our calm good-bye (just like in the end of June), and then he drove away as I walked back into the airport.
It wasn’t that long until I was sitting on my seat in the plane . . .
. . . I’m in an airplane waiting for take off and heading back home. I can hear the flight attendants in the background giving their regular spiel, I can see them in the corner of my eye gesturing to the locations of the emergency exit doors, but my eyes are directed towards the vastness of the landscape just outside the window. I’m lost in my thoughts about the events that unfolded over this past weekend and curious to what the hell is going on with me. I seem to care less, or I stopped overthinking. Whatever is going on, I feel fucking great!
“I think it is important to realize you can miss someone, but not want them back.”
REFLECTIONS / LESSONS LEARNED:
Even though we know that it is NOT the best decision, we can’t help that it feels right . . . We all have been there . . . don’t deny it! We all know that having sex with our ex feel so good! But why?
Is it because of the comfort, familiarity, and/or security? Why is it that we feel that breakup sex is the best sex? Why do we do it knowing that we shouldn’t? There is always this potential of someone will be getting hurt, yet we still cease the opportunity to have sex with our ex? Why?
Everyone has a different relationship with his or her exes. Some remain friends; some become strangers or neutral to each other, but more often than not, an ex can become an enemy. They’re an ex for a reason, right?! There is obviously some type of failure within the relationship. No matter what we feel about our exes, sex with an ex is still incredible. Again . . . but why?
I don’t know the scientific background to it . . . the gist of it probably has something to do with the neurochemicals (creates emotions, such as love) that are released during sex, which effects our consciousness/mindset. Since the connection and emotions are already there or have already been established with an ex, the sex is more pleasurable because the focus is solely on the sensations.
We are able to focus more on the sensations during sex with an ex because there is already comfort and familiarity. There are numerous times that you have been intimate and are very familiar with each other’s bodies, therefore the climax becomes mind-blowing and unbelievable because they know what to do to get you to have the ultimate orgasm.
Sometimes sex with an ex is just about closure. The final hurrah! And you just want to make it really good and memorable.
However, having sex with an ex can get really messy. Unless the breakup was a mutual agreement, there is always one that initiates the breakup and one who got dumped. If that is the case, than one person’s feelings and emotions is usually greater than the other person. Sometimes breakup sex for one person gives them hope that the relationship can be mended back together . . . and this is when it becomes messy. It is highly recommended that you make sure that the sex is just for sex and nothing more.
Having sex with Jaxon was about comfort and familiarity. No way in hell would I have wanted to get back together with Jaxon . . . the sex just happened and in my mind we were both in the same page.
🎧 - Selena Gomez: Same Old Love
🎬 - Crazy Stupid Love (2011)
FEEDBACK / COMMENTS / THOUGHTS /YOUR REFLECTION / ANSWER QUESTIONS BELOW:
Have you had sex with your ex after you have broken up? How did you feel about it afterwards? Worth it? Regret it?
Do you have breakup sex because you want to keep the possibility of rekindling the relationship? Do we want to feel like we are still loved/admired?
Is it possible to separate emotions and sex with your ex? How do you do it? How do you know if you are doing it already? What are the tricks of your trade?