chapter sixteen
Am I In A Rom-Com?
It’s the end of August and I’m in an airplane waiting for take off and heading back home. I can hear the flight attendants in the background giving their regular spiel. I can see them in the corner of my eye gesturing to the locations of the emergency exit doors, but my eyes are directed towards the vastness of the landscape just outside the window. I’m lost in my thoughts about the events that unfolded over this past weekend and curious to what the hell is going on with me. I seem to care less, or I stopped overthinking. Whatever is going on, I feel fucking great!
My weekend had a pretty shaky start. I pulled an all-nighter working before my Friday morning flight. I didn’t realize that my flight was supposed to leave at 7am and I got to the airport really late. In fact, I was so late that my name was called over the intercom and I was to head immediately to my gate as my flight was about to take off. I remember not feeling too much of a panic even though I was still on the wrong side of security. This was an unusual behaviour for me. I’m usually at least at the airport on time and if I am running late, I usually panic. Even though I wasn’t panicking, I did however, still jog to my gate as soon as I was through security.
As soon as I got on the plane, everyone was buckled in; impatiently waiting and ready for take off. I got some nasty looks from other passengers. People’s moods usually tend to bother me, they use to affect my entire day. However, that morning I let those nasty stares just roll off my shoulders, I didn’t give a shit! I walked down the aisle with a smile on my face, even though I was still out of breathe from the short jog that I just had. I politely asked the two people in my row if I can get to my window seat, I could tell that they were unimpressed, but I didn’t care. As soon as I parked my ass down, I fell asleep and I didn’t wake up until we landed.
I woke up just in time as the first few rows of the plane were unloading. As I waited, I turned on my cell phone to check for the time. I don’t think that I even got a chance to see what time it was because I was too distracted with the email I received from the airplane company indicating that my next flight to my final destination was cancelled. "Shiiiiiit!" I thought and mumbled to myself.
As soon as I got out of the plane, I can hear my stomach gurgle from hunger. I knew that if I didn’t get food quickly, I was going to get ‘hangry!’ And that state of being was not going to be good for anyone or myself. I walked as fast as my little legs could trying to find the customer service to get the next flight out, unfortunately I got lost in the massive airport. I probably should have been frustrated and felt a little bit of panic, but again I still wasn’t feeling the sense of urgency like I usually would. Eventually though, I think about 30 minutes later, I finally got to the airplane company customer service desk to see what I can do to get onto the next flight. I can tell that the lady I was speaking with was a little bit frustrated, it seems like she was having one of those busy days. She had provided me with my ticket (and some attitude) and ‘graciously’ mentioned that I was the last one and the plane is now full. I remember thinking to myself, “Whatever bitch! I don’t care!” She was lucky I didn’t yell that to her face, I was after all ‘hangry!’
I walked away from the customer service thinking about where the fuck I could get food. My stomach kept growling at me as if it was saying, “feed me mother fucker, feed me!” It started to feel like someone was digging their long nails down my intestines and I couldn’t help but rub it, like that was suppose to help ease the pain. The pain hurt so much that I had this constipated look on my face, like I was dying. Whatever, I didn’t care how I looked to other people; all I wanted was to get food in me.
I headed towards the nearest restaurant I could find. I saw this pub just a few gates away. As I approached the restaurant and the hostess at the front entrance, the noise level within was getting louder and louder and I could tell that it was busy. The delightful hostess was trying to talk to me, but I was so ‘hangry’ that I was ignoring what she was saying. I took action on my own, and I quickly scanned the room and immediately I spotted a guy getting up from the bar. I bolted towards his direction leaving the hostess behind in a middle of a sentence. “Whoops. That was rude. My bad!” I said to myself as I continued walking away.
“Are you leaving?” I asked the guy as I maneuvered behind him and slipped onto his seat before he could respond “yes.”
As I positioned myself on the seat and turned myself towards his direction, my eyes traced over his entire body. From what I can tell underneath his washed up jeans and sweater, he had an athletic build. “Hmm, just my type!” I thought. I quickly looked up towards his face before he could see that I was checking him out. “Holy shit!” I thought to myself, his eyes were deep and mesmerizing. I think I felt my jaw drop (not actually though), I never seen anyone with such beautiful steel blue-grey eyes. Even though I was locked into his eyes, I could still tell that he had a strong face with a sharp jaw, he had flawless skin, his smile was playful and welcoming, his lips plump, his thick hair was peering out underneath his hat. Everything about this stranger, physically, was attractive. But we had more chemistry beyond the initial physical attraction.
Being a natural flirt and finally feeling like myself again and more confident, I didn’t hesitate to start a conversation. I was also half asleep and hungry, so at that point I really didn’t care. I love meeting new people and I never see the harm on having a friendly conversation with a complete stranger; if it doesn’t go well, I will never see them again anyways. And if it does, I made a friend . . .
I started off with the most obvious question you could ask someone at the airport; “Where are you heading?” And from then on, the conversation just started flowing. We talked about our jobs and realized that we were in the same industry (design and construction). I was quite impressed that he knew a lot about the minor details and random facts about my profession. Then we talked about camping and how I’m such a princess because I haven’t gone ‘real’ camping before (‘glamping’ is what he called my type of camping). We had this idea that maybe we should meet up and he can teach me how to camp. We were instantly comfortable, we teased each other and I don’t know how we talked as much as we did with all the laughter. His voice was sexy and deep and his laughter was sweet and captivating. Actually, his laughter was more of a low toned giggle and I instantly loved it.
I was really enjoying myself with Breken Jones (BJ) and I can tell that he was enjoying himself too. However, our time together had to come to an end when he had to catch his flight. He had asked the bartender for his bill and to also include my drink. I of course, said for him not to worry about it, but he insisted and so did the bartender. After paying for our drinks, he asked for my number, which I didn’t expect. The weird thing was that I wasn’t at all excited or nervous that he asked for my number, I was calm and collected. Again, this was unusual for me. But I still didn’t hesitate to grab a pen from my bag and scribbled my number down on the receipt he handed over. We hugged and then he went on his way.
As soon as BJ left, I noticed that my stomach was still growling. “Oh yeah, I’m still hungry.” I thought to myself. When I opened the menu, I saw that my hands were covered in blue ink. The pen that I used exploded in my hands and it looked like I had beaten the shit out of a Smurf. I looked up towards the bartender and her and I locked eyes, and she immediately knew what I needed. She came over with several wet naps and with some friendly advice; “That’s a sign sweetheart, you probably shouldn’t have given him your number.” I laughed at her abrupt comment. I then wiped off the blue blood from my hands and order a plate of fries.
I had just received my order of fries when I looked over on my phone. I just got a text message from BJ and before I could respond to his text message, he was back. We both smiled and laughed. He ordered a shot of tequila and we continued our giggling conversation. This time it was different, I can tell that BJ wasn’t fully attentive to our conversation, which was understandable because he kept looking back at this departure gate and was concerned that he might miss his flight. I smiled and said that he should probably go, he agreed. He was again a gentleman and he offer to pay for my fries. I insisted that I would pay, but just like before, the bartender included my fries on his bill. After he paid, I went in for another goodbye hug and to my surprise, he kissed me! Just a sweet and innocent peck on the lips. My eyes widened and I was grinning from ear to ear, I couldn’t stop giggling like a little girl getting tickled . . . or maybe a big girl getting tickled in all the right places.
BJ was also smiling; “My brave move was a success,” he said with enthusiasm. “It sure was!” I replied with an extremely flirtatious laugh. He then went off to catch his flight again. I turned back around and continued munching on fries with a smile on my face. The bartender looked at me with a concerned expression on her face. I ignored it because I felt good!
Believe it or not this entire episode was only 30 minutes. Even with such a short time together there was no denying that we had crazy chemistry! It felt like the way we met came straight out of a rom-com and not something that actually happens in real life. And just like in a rom-com my head was swimming, my confidence was boosted and I was excited to see what the future held!
After finishing off my fries, I left the sweet bartender a generous tip because she definitely looked out for me. I headed towards my departure gate and by that time, I had calmed down from the giddiness I felt with BJ. I left the airport equally clear headed, similar to how I started the day. I was heading to a friend’s wedding and I was looking forward to sleeping that evening on a comfortable bed.
The weekend was unforgettable, but the irony about the whole thing was that meeting BJ and the wedding wasn’t even the most significant part of the weekend.
. . . to be continued . . .
“Don’t let your negative past experiences limit your future.”
REFLECTIONS / LESSONS LEARNED:
I found that after my breakup with Jaxon I was afraid to put myself out there again. Mainly because the dating world is completely different than it was when I was 18 years old. 13 years away from dating is a long time and the dating scene is constantly changing. I was also afraid to go through the emotional agony that I just went through after Jaxon. The fear of the unknown and rejection can be paralyzing. It is up to us whether we let that fears limit our experiences and meeting new people. And I wasn’t going to let that fear hold me down.
I wasn’t afraid to get hurt again, I was more afraid that I was going to project my insecurities from my experience with Jaxon on someone else. I was fearful that I would unknowingly put up walls to defend myself from repeating the past, preventing me to give someone a clean slate. I didn’t want to compare anyone to Jaxon, everyone is different. I didn’t want to project my fear from my past relationship to someone new. It wouldn’t be fair to them, and definitely wouldn’t be fair to me.
By the time I met BJ I had built enough confidence in myself to be open to new possibilities. I could have easily closed myself off because of my fears, but I made the decision to take that risk. I was glad I did it because I really had a blast meeting BJ. However, I doubt that I would have taken the risk if I didn’t spend the summer rebuilding up my confidence.
I find that people limit themselves by giving in to their fears (predominately the fear of emotional suffering). It prevents them from new experiences and meeting new people. Sometimes people live with regret because they were too afraid to take a risk. I personally don’t ever want to live with regret. I would rather; take the risk, see what happens, feel the pain, obtain the emotional scar, and get over it . . . verses . . . living everyday wondering, what if.
But to each his own . . .
🎧 - Diana Ross: I ’m Coming Out
🎬 - Before We Go (2014)
FEEDBACK / COMMENTS / THOUGHTS /YOUR REFLECTION / ANSWER QUESTIONS BELOW:
Have you ever projected your fears from a previous relationship to someone new? Such as lack of trust? Being sceptical of everything that the new person says? Judge them before you actually get to know them? Find ‘red flags’ in someone even though you just met them?
Have you ever opened up to new possibilities and it has backfired on you? How did you deal with the aftermath?
What is your biggest fear when it comes to opening up to someone new?