chapter fourteen
The Beginning Of A Great Friendship. . . Hopefully
Our 30-day no contact pact ended on July 25th, 2017. That morning Jax and I talked on the phone. That month of not talking was a lot easier for me than the previous 30-day no contact period!
“Hey!” I yelled into the phone with enthusiasm. “How’s your month been?” I asked.
“Hi! It’s been busy!” Jax responded. “You sound so happy?!? What’s new?” He asked with a bit of surprised tone to his voice.
The way he asked his question bothered me; was I not supposed to be happy? He was probably curious why I was happy without him? I had to quickly remind myself that Jaxon had no idea who I was anymore. He still sees me as a weak girl and not a strong woman who can easily get over him. I can tell that he was surprised in my progress and living a wonderful life without him.
I was hesitant to answer his question. I didn’t want to hurt him if I mention my experience with Liam. However, we did promise that we were going to be honest with each other no matter what. So I told him the truth. “Oh everything is new! There's lots to explore in this new city. I'm going hiking, I'm running a lot, and meeting new people. I met someone, but nothing serious. We’re just friends now.” I responded in a way that downplayed the importance of spending time with Liam were to me.
“Oh yeah, that’s great! Why just a friend now?” Jax asked.
“He was only here temporarily and he’s moved onto a different city.” I replied.
“Awe, I’m sorry to hear that. Where did you guys meet?” Jax had this tone in his voice as he asked more about Liam. It was a tone I rarely heard during our relationship, jealousy.
“We met while hiking.” I said while I shrugged my shoulders as if it meant nothing and as though Jax could see me gesture.
“Of course you did! You always tend to meet random people everywhere you go. You have this cute and friendly face, and you’re talkative too, so you're easy to approach. I’m not surprised that you met someone hiking!” said Jax as he let out a giggle. I didn’t say anything and just joined him giggling.
“What’s new with you?” I asked him.
“You know, same old; working a lot, busy with my PhD. But I’m moving to a new place by the end of July.” Jax replied with excitement.
“Oh that’s exciting! Where?” I asked with the same amount of excitement.
“At a two bedroom condo downtown, close to my work. I looked at it several years ago when you and I were looking for a place to live, but they didn’t allow dogs.” Jax responded.
“Oh yeah, I remember! Two-bedroom? Who are you moving in with?” I asked.
Jax answered with some hesitation, which I found peculiar. “Um . . . with this guy . . . ah . . . one of my employees introduced me to him.”
“That’s great! I hope he is reliable!” I said to him with a giggle. “What else is new? There has to be something else other than you working all the time! Remember, life is a balance and shouldn’t always be about work and your PhD.” I said with a concern tone to my voice.
Again Jax was hesitant in his response. “Well . . . I went on a date . . . but it was awkward as fuck” he replied.
Without skipping a beat and to my (and his) surprise, I responded with genuine interest, like I would with any friend. “Oh my gosh, that’s great! But why was it awkward?”
“Well you know, it’s been a long time since I went on a first date and I don’t remember how to do this. We went to a movie, barely talked, just awkward.” Jax responded with an embarrassed tone to his voice and he covered the embarrassment with a little laughter.
“Awe, don’t worry, I’m sure it’ll get easier!” I said. “Where did you meet her?” I asked.
“Do you remember earlier this year when I told you I went to a hockey game and met up with co-workers? I met her there when one of my other co-workers introduced us, but I didn’t really talk to her until recently. She also just got out of a long term relationship” he responded.
I was quiet for a second because I knew exactly what night he was talking about. I remembered it vividly. She was the girl that he raved about and the one I suspected that he cheated on me with. “Oh yeah, I remember.” I responded with this emotionless tone to my voice (which was surprising because I thought that I would be at least a little bit jealous and/or mad). “I’m sorry that it was awkward. Do you think that you guys will go on a date again?” I asked with curiosity while purposely avoiding the negative topic of cheating. I genuinely believed Jax at our counselling session when he said that he didn’t emotionally or physically cheat on me.
“I’m not sure.” Jax responded. “I’m away for three weeks in August so maybe after when I’m back or something.”
“Oh, where are you going? Wait! Let me guess, another business trip? Or maybe a PhD conference trip?” I asked with a goofy expression in my voice.
“For work.” Jax responded.
“If you decide to go on another date with her, make sure that you make her a priority!” I said to Jax. As Jax agreed to my statement, he let out a half, almost fake-like laugh as if he was concealing something. “I’m serious Jaxon!” I said with a stern tone to my voice. I quickly followed the statement with; “okay, well now I have to get going. I’m heading to work!”
“Talk to you next week?” Jax asked.
“Yeah, sounds good! And don’t work too hard!” I said.
“You know that I will always love you, right?” Jax said to me with a sincere tone to his voice.
“I know. I will always love you too!” I responded with a smile on my face. “Okay go, and have a good trip. Talk to you next week!” I said to Jax.
“Okay, bye! He responded.
“Byyyyyeeee!” I said as we both hung up while giggling.
After our phone call, I took a second to observe how I was feeling. I was surprised how confused I was. There was no ‘pit’ in my stomach, my heart didn’t ache, tears didn’t flow down my face . . . "I’m not upset? I’m not mad? I’m not even jealous?" I asked myself out loud. I had this weird feeling. I was struggling to understand why I felt happy for Jaxon and for myself. Happiness for your ex-fiancé isn’t common after a breakup. It is definitely not the social norm. But I couldn’t help but leave my apartment that morning with a grin from ear to ear. We were both moving forward and moving on with our lives. I was extremely happy how our conversation went and I felt fortunate that we were in the right track to a great friendship!
“Remember the world is in your mind and what you think about yourself shapes every experience you have!”
REFLECTIONS / LESSONS LEARNED:
I was happy for Jaxon and I was happy for myself. It surprised a lot of my family and friends how fast I was moving on and how genuinely happy I was without Jaxon. I think people were more surprised that I didn’t want to rip his head off or that neither one of us were angry at each other. The 30-day no contact pact, worked for us; we were able to live our lives without each other, and at the end can come together and be civil.
I spent the 30 days focusing on my mental, emotional, and physical health. I made those 30 days all about me. It was the first time in a long time that I was living my life for me and no one else . . .okay, well I spent a lot of time with Buddy too. Focusing on myself for 30 days was the best thing I did for myself.
They say the best revenge towards your ex is becoming the best version of yourself . . . I say the best revenge is NO revenge at all! Just be happy with yourself and who cares what your ex thinks. He/she is an ex for a reason! I hate to say it (and I know that people might not agree), but in my experience people come and go in our lives all the time. The one thing that is consistent in our lives is ourselves. Our happiness should be built from within because that will remain with you for the rest of your life. Other people and external validation will not.
“The most productive thing you can do is work on your own consciousness.” - Yusif Noble
🎧 - Rudimental feat. Jess Glynne, Macklemore & Dan Caplen: These Days
🤾♀️🚴🏻🏊🏻🏃🏻♀️ - Running & Softball
FEEDBACK / COMMENTS / THOUGHTS /YOUR REFLECTION / ANSWER QUESTIONS BELOW:
Have you tried to do a 30-day no contact pact with your ex? Did it work for you? What did you end up doing with yourself within those 30 days?
What routines did you change in your life after a breakup? Did it help you move on?